Reclaiming my Faith One Moment of Vulnerability & Authenticity at a Time
I’ve always felt close to God. Ever since I can remember, I would fall asleep talking to Him, expressing gratitude for my blessings, asking for protection for my family and me. I would visualize myself sending an imaginary voicemail outlining my dreams for my future to the ‘big guy upstairs.’
Raised in Methodist churches, the sermons and Sunday School lessons focused on the love and light of God. A belief that was also reflected by my parents. They instilled the importance of treating others with kindness, striving to be a good person, owning up to and apologizing for mistakes made, and the value of always counting your blessings.
When I was old enough to be aware that other religions existed, I asked my Mom if people who weren’t Christians would go to heaven. Her words rang so true in my soul that even at four or five years old, I knew the weight they carried. She said that as long as people held love in their hearts, it didn’t matter what God they worshipped, for God is all, God is one, God is beyond our wildest dreams.
That steadfast belief carried me through the hills and valleys throughout childhood and into adolescence.
And then, at eighteen years old, after feeling broken and bruised by some normal life experience and some emotional curveballs along the way, I encountered a new belief system, one that promised to release me from the chains of my past; pentecostalism.
Almost nine years to the day that I first encountered the evangelical religion, I’m feeling thankful. Thankful for the insight it provided, for friendships that developed within its walls, and the perspective it gave me.
It will be three years in February since I last stepped foot inside a pentecostal church. Three years of finding my way back to myself, freeing chains that were added by tuning myself to a doctrine that I didn’t believe in, out of fear; of hell, of failing, of being alone, of having to stand up for myself and my beliefs.
Which is why this portion of March First Media exists; in order to accurately tell the stories of others, I must give voice to my own.
Vulnerability and authenticity, I believe, are two of the strongest words in the English language. Both are the embodiment of what it means to be yourself, sharing obstacles overcome, struggles currently faced, taking ownership over mistakes made and staying true to what you value and hold close to your heart.
Those words have been at the center of my growth and healing, and they are words I strive to live by.
I will never intentionally degrade or hurt those who choose to practice the Pentecostal religion or other conservative Christian doctrines. It’s not my place to classify the entire system as bad; I just know that for myself, their beliefs go against what I hold at my core. For six years, I chose to be indoctrinated into their way of thinking, following the rules of someone else’s beliefs. And I take ownership of that.
As for my faith now, it’s back to what I held as a child, the one that is forever etched inside my heart; do your best, live your life with love, lift others up along the way and the Kingdom of God is yours to inherit - no matter what version of Him you choose to believe in.
I hope that my words resonate with someone, and remind them that they have a full life of their own to live. To let go of the chains of fear that bind them, that it’s safe to step into the light and start living.
To all those who have been a part of my journey thus far, thank you. Thank you for sticking by me when I abandoned myself, for supporting me as I tried to figure out a way back and for cheering me on when I did.
I’m sending you all an abundance of love and light! 💚✨
