Find The Thing That Makes You, You

Finding Me, Finding You, 2022

As I peeled myself up from Shavasana, folding my legs into a cross-legged seat, I brought my hands in prayer to my third eye. 

Tonight marked my second year completing Yoga with Adriene's 30 Day Yoga Journey, and as I bowed my head in gratitude, my eyes welled with tears.

I couldn't help but think of the Phoebe before yoga, the insecure, people-pleaser with a victim mindset tendency, struggling to get out of her own way.

And then I smiled and thought how happy that version of myself would be to see the Phoebe that writes this today. 

January 1, 2022, is the second time in my life that I have completed a fitness program. In my post closing out 2021, I shared just how much Yoga with Adriene's program impacted my life at the start of last year and how I knew starting this year with her new 30 Day series would do the same.

Which it did, and then some. 

Since January 1 (Day 0 in the program), finding myself on my mat brought light to each day.

Showing up for myself and prioritizing this act of self care allowed me to reconnect with my true self; with each breath, my brain quieted, each Chaturanga, my strength grew, and with each Warrior, I found balance.

Those moments of quiet reflection, syncing my movement and my breath quickly became the foundation for my life off the mat. 

I'm not saying these past 31 days have been filled with rainbows and butterflies; they haven't. There have been a few stressful moments, uncomfortable truths and difficult conversations. Still, through my practice, I've cultivated a persistent feeling of peace - which makes the rainbows and butterflies of life easier to find.

The contrast of life still happens, but it's how we choose ro react that makes all the difference.

This evening, hours after completing my program and relishing that beautiful moment of Zen, I still experienced reactivity. A conversation made me defensive, and I was not operating from that place of tranquility I love to live from. I almost didn't take the time to finish this essay. And then it hit me; if I didn't, that was a choice I was making. We are the only ones that have control over us, and it's up to us as individuals to make that decision to turn back into ourselves, leaving behind reactivity and stepping into our true and highest self. If I chose to focus on my impermanent reaction, what had I truly learned over the past month?

And it's that emphasis on choosing to focus on what feels good, to that which serves our greatest good and letting go of that which doesn't; that's my biggest takeaway from the past 31 days.

It's a concept I've been desperately trying to understand, and tonight, I have a deeper understanding of that truth than I ever have before. 

I recognize that yoga isn't for everyone. But, I do believe there's something like it for everyone, something that resonates with you on a soul level, something that intrinsically connects you to yourself. I urge you to seek that. And if, after reading this, you're reminded of how you feel after walking, running, meditating, painting, singing, dancing, sitting outside and looking at the sky, or something else, I implore you to carve out some time for yourself to do that thing. Even if it's just for five minutes, you deserve to feel connected to yourself again.

You've earned the right to feel like you. Your true self is always there, waiting for you to find them.