Ego, Fear & Imposter Syndrome, Also Known As Writer's Block

Writing has been a struggle these past few weeks.

Since my last post, I've started a dozen articles. In some, my words felt empty. In others, I just couldn't bring myself to hit publish.

I love writing, but sometimes my creative spout gets pinched off and I struggle to find a steady flow. 

It’s annoying.

When this happens, I do one of three things: beat myself up and belittle myself for not living up to expectations (which are almost always only my own), force myself to create, or wait until inspiration strikes and I'm back in the flow.

The first approach has never worked. Instead, the stories I tell myself send me into a spiral of self-loathing, shattering my confidence and prolonging my creative block. I’m actively trying to end this tendency, and for a good hour before sitting down to write this, I started slipping back into that pattern.

Once I had that realization, I decided enough was enough and forced myself to start writing again.

After my last article focusing on mental health, my partner gave me some constructive criticism. “I liked your posts. They were good, they weren’t fake,” he said one evening last month. “Maybe I’m biased, but I think you should be more open about your struggles.” 

His observation wasn’t wrong; in fact, he stated the exact thing that I so desperately want this space to be about: being vulnerable and authentically sharing my story and yours.

Since that conversation, I started multiple Google Docs touching on different topics of my life: the sexual abuse I experienced, my recent diagnosis of PMDD, recognizing old patterns of alcohol dependency, life in a Christian cult, the story of Upstate Unsolved, the importance of mindfulness and yoga, my love of television, and other random thoughts.

But every time I could feel myself about to dig deeper, a stream of thoughts would stop me: no one cares, people will think you’re looking for pity or seeking attention, you’re embarrassing yourself.

So, I would close my document and go about my day, simultaneously hoping inspiration would strike for a good post that would resonate with someone and also wondering why I feel I have anything valuable to say.

That self-doubt, the imposter syndrome feeling that I know so many of us experience, is bull shit.

We quite literally all have valuable things to say. When we share our stories, we give others the courage to share theirs, and that is how we make this world a better place. By listening and understanding each other’s struggles and celebrating our wins, we grow and evolve together.

So, screw imposter syndrome, my ego and this damn writer’s block, life is too short to live in fear.

If you’ve made it this far, I thank you for riding this stream of consciousness wave that I had to force myself to publish. 

And if you, too, feel like you’re holding yourself back from being the best version of yourself, out of fear of making a mistake or wondering what other people think, I’m here to tell you that the only person judging you is you.

You were made for greatness. So tell your ego to sit down and go pursue your dreams. You deserve all the best, and this world benefits from your perspective.

You got this. I got this. We got this.